Speaking Grief - Event Planning Guide

Speaking Grief

Event

Planning

Guide

13 Event

Checklists

9 Event

Ideas

7 Community

Engagement

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 2

Let’s get better

at grief.

Speaking Grief explores the transformative experience of losing a

family member in a death- and grief-avoidant society. This national

public media initiative includes a television documentary, media-

rich website, social media campaign, and numerous community

engagement events, all aimed at starting a national conversation

about grief. Thank you for being part of this important work!

Produced by WPSU Penn State with philanthropic support and

outreach collaboration from The New York Life Foundation,

this initiative seeks to normalize grief through candid interviews

and help people become more comfortable with the many faces,

forms, and personal experiences of grief.

Questions?

If you have any questions as

you plan your event, please

contact Cassie Caldwell:

[email protected]

Moving away from the idea that grief is a problem that needs

to be “xed,” this initiative validates the experience of grievers

and guides those wishing to support them.

CHANGING THE NARRATIVE

Moving away from the idea that grief is

a problem that needs to be “ﬁxed,”

this initiative validates the experience of grievers

and guides those wishing to support them. By sharing diverse

representations of bereavement experiences, we illustrate that

grief is a universal, yet individual experience.

planning guide OVERVIEW

This event planning guide will help you plan community events

around grief and supporting grievers. The guide is intended

for community groups, grief support organizations,

public broadcasting stations, faith organizations, and

anyone with an interest in raising public awareness around

grief and grief support in communities across the nation.



Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 3

About the Initiative

WPSU Penn State is a PBS and NPR member station and a service of

Penn State Outreach, supporting the community as a trusted source

for news, information, and education. As a next-generation media

organization, WPSU creates, curates, and distributes content on

screens both large and small. As a community partner, we focus on

local concerns that can be part of a greater national conversation.

wpsu.org

Inspired by New York Life’s tradition of service and humanity, The New

York Life Foundation has, since its founding in 1979, provided nearly

$280 million in charitable contributions to national and local nonproﬁt

organizations. The Foundation supports programs that beneﬁt young

people, particularly in the areas of educational enhancement and

childhood bereavement. Childhood bereavement is one of society’s

most pervasive issues: one in fourteen Americans will lose a parent or

sibling before age 18 and the vast majority of children experience a

signiﬁcant loss by the time they complete high school. Yet bereaved

children remain largely unseen and under-served within their

communities and schools, with few outlets to express their grief.

Recognizing the critical need to provide greater support to grieving

children and their families, The New York Life Foundation established

childhood bereavement as a funding focus area in 2008 and has

invested nearly $50 million to bereavement organizations across

the nation. As our commitment to the bereavement “ﬁeld” has

grown, we’ve been proud to serve not only as a funder but as an

active partner to a wide range of nonproﬁts, helping to raise public

awareness about grief’s impact as well as build communication

and collaboration among grantees. The issue is at the heart of our

company’s mission and day-to-day business, resulting in robust

employee engagement across the country in support of grieving

children.

The Foundation also encourages and facilitates the community

involvement of employees and agents of New York Life through its

Volunteers for Good program and Grief-Sensitive Schools Initiative.

www.newyorklifefoundation.org

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 4

Table of Contents

10 Releasing Wishes

10 Luminaries

10 Memory Stones

11 Support Activities

11 Who is in your circles?

11 Send Some Love – Empathy Cards

Postcards

11 What to Do

12 Other Ideas

13 Event Planning Checklist

14 Event Logistics Checklist

15 Post-event Checklist

16 Appendix

17 Feedback

17 Feedback Card

17 Story Wall

18 Sample Feedback Card

19 Tips for Convening

a Panel Discussion

20 Group Discussion Guide

22 Who is in Your Circles?

24 Send Some Love – Empathy Card

Stand-up Display Insert

25 Support Ideas

2 Introduction

2 Changing the Narrative

2 Planning Guide Overview

3 About the Initiative

5 An Important Note

Regarding Sensitivity

6 Initiative Components

7 Community Engagement

7 Why Community Engagement Matters

7 Potential Community Partnerships

8 Event Goals & Desired Outcomes

8 Deﬁne Event Goals

8 Measuring Impact

9 Event Format Ideas

9 Public Screening

9 Panel Discussion

9 Group Discussion

9 Local Productions

9 Exhibition

10 Activity Ideas

10 Remembering Loved Ones –

Memorial Ideas

10 Wall of Names

10 Wall of Photos

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 5

An Important Note

Regarding Sensitivity

• Cultural, familial, political, and spiritual

differences are common. Be sensitive

to cultural differences of attendees in

expressing grief and honoring the dead.

• Plan to have a quiet, reﬂective space

available in case attendees need

to take a break.

• It is important to have people help

facilitate your event who are conﬁdent

and experienced in having difﬁcult

conversations with people about grief,

death, and dying. The facilitators may

also need to support each other, for

example, in extricating each other from

conversations. Facilitators may also need

breaks during your event, so a minimum

of two or three experienced facilitators

is recommended.

• Create a safe, non-judgmental

environment. Ensure comfortable,

accessible seating is available. If possible,

avoid harsh overhead lighting to promote

a more welcoming environment. Have

water and tissues available.

• When you speak about death or dying,

use simple and straightforward language

such as death, die, dying, and grief.

Avoid euphemisms that are abstract

such as “departed” or “lost.” Note that

attendees may not use direct language,

and that is ok.

• A variety of feelings are completely

normal. Be open to each attendee’s

experience—there is no one right way

to respond to grief.

• Welcome other’s experiences of grief.

Everyone grieves differently. Be mindful

not to impose your own beliefs.

Events about grief can invite a wide range of emotional, physical, and behavioral responses

from participants. We recommend you include two or three licensed therapists, licensed clinical

social workers, or skilled grief advocates who are conﬁdent and experienced in having difﬁcult

conversations with people about grief, death, and dying. At a minimum, have local grief

resources available so you can direct participants to appropriate support.

Not sure where to ﬁnd an experienced partner?

Eluna provides an index of grief organizations and grief camps by state.

https://elunanetwork.org/national-bereavement-resource-guide/resources/

Evermore provides an interactive search by state directory of grief support centers for families.

https://www.live-evermore.org/grief-support-directory/

A few best practices to keep in mind:

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 6

Initiative

Components

DOCUMENTARY

Speaking Grief explores the transformative

experience of losing a family member in a death-

and grief-avoidant society. The documentary

features diverse representations of grief through

candid interviews with seven families from across

the country whose losses range from stillbirth

to suicide. Moving away from the idea that

grief is a problem that needs to be “ﬁxed,” the

documentary validates grief as a normal, healthy

part of the human experience. Speaking Grief

also addresses the role support from friends

and family plays in a person’s grief experience,

introducing ideas for how we can get better at

showing up for people in their darkest moments.

WEBSITE

The initiative website at https://speakinggrief.org

has insight from grief advocates, additional family

video stories, and information about supporting

grievers and understanding grief.

SOCIAL MEDIA

Use social media platforms to spread the word

about your event! Add the following hashtags

to your Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter posts:

#speakinggrief #nylfoundation. This will also allow

us to track the reach of this initiative.

To increase the reach of your Instagram and

Twitter posts, include additional hashtags to allow

more people to ﬁnd your content. We suggest:

#grief #loss #griefsupport #griefandloss

#grieving #childloss #bereavement

#mentalhealth #wellbeing #instaheart #people

#emotionalintelligence #kindness #empathy

#resilience #compassion #love #life #death #dying

#griefrecovery #griefawareness #realityofgrief

#parentloss #instagrief #siblingloss #griefshare

PRESS KIT

Project logos, marketing materials, templates,

and more can be found at

http://tiny.cc/SpeakingGriefPress

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 7

Community Engagement

WHY COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT MATTERS

Speaking Grief brings to light the difﬁcult and emotional topics of death and grief.

Honest, open discussions can serve as a catalyst to bring people together to learn

more about grief, and how we can better support one another. Candid discussions

can help to validate grief as a normal, healthy part of the human experience.

POTENTIAL COMMUNITY PARTNERSHIPS

This initiative seeks to increase awareness and access to grief services in communities

across the nation. As such, it is helpful to partner and collaborate with other groups

in your community. Collaboration is at the heart of this initiative.

Examples of potential community partners:

• Public radio or television stations

• Healthcare organizations/hospitals

• Health and wellness organizations

• Hospices & grief organizations

• Mental health organizations

• Palliative care organizations

• Faith organizations

• Community and university libraries

• Civic organizations

• Universities and colleges

• School districts

• Workforce development

• New York Life ofﬁces

An index of grief organizations by state:

https://elunanetwork.org/national-bereavement-resource-guide/resources/

A NOTE about facilitators

Remember: It is important to have people help facilitate your event who are

conﬁdent and experienced in having difﬁcult conversations with people about

grief, death, and dying. The facilitators may also need to support each other,

for example, in extricating each other from conversations. Facilitators may also

need breaks during your event, so a minimum of two or three experienced

facilitators is recommended.



Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 8

Event Goals &

Desired Outcomes

DEFINE EVENT GOALS

As you plan your event with community partners, discuss potential

audiences and which type of event will best resonate with them.

You may want to focus on raising awareness and establishing

a common understanding about grief and supporting grievers,

or you may choose to focus on helping the audience become

more aware of grief support organizations in your community.

Community partners help you determine shared goals

and decide which audiences to invite to the event.

MEASURING IMPACT

Measuring the impact and quality of events can be challenging.

Having clear goals in the planning stages can help you deﬁne what

success looks like for your event.

Some ways to collect impact data include:

• Track the number of attendees

• Ask attendees to complete feedback cards

• Send out a post-event survey in a follow-up email

• Hold post-event discussions

• Collect comments made by participants during the event

using a Story Wall

• Review media mentions

• Collect social media statistics.

A template for

feedback cards and

information about

Story Walls are included

in the Appendix.

Reporting

Please share your impact data with Cassie Caldwell: [email protected]

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Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 9

Event Format Ideas

PUBLIC SCREENING

Host a public screening event. You could invite special guests

from the community to engage the audience in a panel or group

discussion after the viewing.

PANEL DISCUSSION

Host a public screening event followed by a panel discussion.

At the end of the screening, representatives from local grief

support organizations could discuss key themes from the

documentary and address questions from community members.

GROUP DISCUSSION

Small groups are great venues for sharing and discussing

Speaking Grief. We can discuss how we feel about what

we’ve just seen and how we can help change our conversations

and actions about grief moving forward.

LOCAL PRODUCTIONS

Local public television or radio stations could produce their own

local interest stories. Stories could feature community grief support

organizations and the families they serve or focus on the grief

experience of a particular person or family. These could be

done as individual stories or as part of a larger community

storytelling project.

EXHIBITION

An exhibition-style event could combine several activities.

This could be designed as a series of interactive stations

that attendees can visit at their own pace. (Similar to a museum

or a gallery.)

Tips for convening

a panel discussion are

included in the Appendix.

A group discussion guide is

included in the Appendix.

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 10

Activity Ideas

REMEMBERING LOVED ONES - MEMORIAL IDEAS

them on each wish paper. Provide a safe area to

light the wish papers and watch them ﬂoat away.

Take pictures of your wish release and share them

on social media with the hashtags #wpsugrief and

#NYLFoundation.

Luminaries

Luminaries made from paper bags and battery-

operated tea candles create a memorial that

adds a beautiful ambiance to an event. Attendees

could decorate the bags with the name(s) of their

loved ones or a special message. The luminaries

can be lined up in your event venue for all to see.

Take pictures of the ﬁnished luminaries and

share them on social media with the hashtags

#speakinggrief #nylfoundation.

Memory Stones

Have a collection of permanent markers and

smooth river stones available. Attendees can

write the name or a memory of their loved one

on a stone. You can have a clear glass vase for

attendees to put them in as a “Memory Jar” or

use them to create a Memory Garden as part of

your event. Invite attendees to take them home

with them as a memento at the event conclusion.

Take pictures and share them on social media with

the hashtags #speakinggrief #nylfoundation.

Wall of Names

Provide an opportunity for attendees to write or

say the name or names of their loved ones. It can

be as simple as a large easel pad or whiteboard,

or as ornate as you can imagine. This could also

be an opportunity for creative expression if you

provide basic art supplies.

Wall of Photos

Encourage attendees to bring a photo of their

loved one to the event. (Let them know if they

should not expect their photo returned to them.)

Dedicate an area and have supplies available

for attendees to post the pictures as a visual

memorial. (Removable mounting putty works

well for this.)

Releasing Wishes

If you have access to an outdoor space,

releasing wishes into the sky is a beautiful tribute.

Flying wish paper is an eco-friendly alternative

to releasing balloons or paper lanterns.

Attendees write on this special paper, then roll

it into a tube and light it on ﬁre. The wish paper

then gracefully ﬂoats up into the sky.

Purchase an assortment of ﬂying wish paper from

a local party store or online. Attendees can write

the name of their loved one or a message to

NOTE

These ideas are provided to get you thinking about ways to engage attendees

if appropriate for your event type. Choose only a few, and be aware that it can be

overwhelming for grievers to participate in these activities in a public setting.



Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 11

SUPPORT ACTIVITIES

Who is in your circles?

Susan Silk and Barry Goldman developed a simple exercise

to help us know what to say and to whom to say it when we

seek to support someone in crisis.

Send Some Love – Empathy Cards/Postcards

Even when we’re not sure what to say, it is always better to say

something rather than nothing. Consider having an area where

attendees can take a moment to write out a card for someone who

needs a kind word.

You can purchase empathy cards or postcards online, design your

own, have blank cards available for attendees to design or include

a mixture of all three.

What to Do

“Let me know if you need anything” is how we often attempt to

offer support. A grieving person may not have much capacity

to consider what they may need. Asking for help puts them in

a vulnerable position when they are already feeling vulnerable

in their grief.

Instead of putting the responsibility on the grieving person,

think about what you can provide that you will be able to

follow through on. Think about what might help you if you were

in this situation and ask if it would be ok for you to do it for them.

Write a few ideas on notecards and place them on a table

or pin them to a bulletin board. Have blank notecards available

for attendees to contribute their own ideas of how to offer support.

Consider encouraging attendees to take a few along with them

after the event. This way, they will leave with a few concrete ideas

for how they can offer support to someone in need.

Share pictures of ideas contributed during your event on social

media using hashtags #speakinggrief and #nylfoundation

A worksheet attendees

can take home with them is

included in the Appendix.

A sign with suggestions

for how to write an

empathy card is available

in the Appendix.

What You Can Do + When You Can Do It + Is That OK? = How to Offer Concrete Support

Need some ideas?

A starter list of ideas

for oering support is

available in the Appendix.

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 12

OTHER IDEAS

• Artwork display

• Quiet reﬂection space

• Music listening and/or performance space

• Talk with your local public radio station about recording

stories at your event

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 13

Event Planning Checklist

Select Community Partners

❏ In what capacity are partners engaging

in this event?

❏ Who needs to be acknowledged in remarks

and print materials?

(Include The New York Life Foundation)

❏ Will partners have a role in approving

the event plan/schedule?

Create Event Schedule

❏ Include setup and breakdown times

with your venue

❏ Will there be any pre- or post-event activities?

(Such as refreshments or reﬂection discussion

time.)

❏ Determine the event start and end times

Create invitations

❏ Create the guest list

❏ Determine how invitations will be distributed

(e.g., mail, email, newsletter, newspaper ad, etc.)

❏ Who needs to approve the invitation design

and guest list?

❏ Are RSVPs necessary? If so, who will be

coordinating them? What is the RSVP deadline?

Develop Marketing Plan

❏ Decide on event promotions

❏ Download logos, templates, etc. from press kit

http://tiny.cc/SpeakingGriefPress

❏ Will the event require a press release to be sent

to the media?

❏ Should the press be invited?

❏ How can social media be leveraged

to spread the word?

Measure Impact

❏ How do you plan to measure the impact of the

event? (survey attendees, comment cards, etc.)

Preview Resources

❏ Review initiative website at speakinggrief.org

❏ Request a screener link to preview

the documentary

❏ Review acknowledgment requirements

(for print materials and advertisements)

Design Event

❏ Name of event

❏ Type of event (Documentary screening,

panel discussion, workshop, etc.)

❏ What is the goal of this event?

(e.g., raise awareness, convene community

resources, encourage conversation, etc,)

❏ Will there be a host?

❏ Can you reach out to volunteers?

Determine Budget

❏ Decide on the budget and anticipated expenses

❏ Can you secure sponsors to help offset costs?

Select Location

❏ Select a venue

❏ Is the location accessible to the public?

❏ What is the venue capacity? What is your

target goal for attendance?

❏ Is there ample parking?

❏ Consider restroom availability/accessibility

❏ Is the room handicapped accessible?

❏ Is the room style aligned with the event type

you wish to hold? (tables, chairs, ﬂow, A/V, etc.)

❏ Obtain permits and legal paperwork if necessary

Determine Date

❏ When will the event be held?

❏ Has the date/location been approved

by all the necessary parties?

❏ Does the date conﬂict with any holidays,

school breaks, or other community events?

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 14

Event Logistics Checklist

Audio/Visual

❏ What are your requirements?

(TV/projector, screens, speakers, etc.)

❏ Microphones

Check-in Station

❏ Nametags

❏ Assign greeters

❏ Coat rack

Parking

❏ Location

❏ Capacity

❏ Charge

Signage

❏ Parking

❏ Restroom locations

❏ Event

❏ Recognize WPSU Penn State and

The New York Life Foundation

Rentals/Deliveries

❏ Vendors

❏ Delivery times

Supplies

❏ Tissues

❏ Pens

❏ Activity materials

Seating

❏ Arrangement

❏ Accommodation for wheelchairs

and other assistive devices

Catering

❏ Contact information

❏ Arrival time

❏ Services provided (ﬂatware, linens,

paper products, ice, setup/teardown)

Referral Materials

❏ From local grief support organizations

Emergency Contact Numbers

❏ Local ﬁre, hospital, and emergency contacts

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 15

Post-event Checklist

Thank You’s

❏ Thank everyone who contributed to the event

(speakers, funders, partner organizations,

sponsors, volunteers, etc.) with a personal

thank you note, email, or phone call

❏ Thank attendees for coming by sending

an email the day after the event

Conduct Post-event Survey

❏ Send a survey to attendees

❏ Send a survey to sponsors and

partner organizations

Rentals/Deliveries

❏ Ensure anything rented is returned

Press

❏ Follow-up with any press inquiries

related to the event

Social Media

❏ Post pictures from the event

❏ Include #speakinggrief and #nylfoundation

❏ Recap the event in your newsletter or blog

Report Back to WPSU

❏ If you’re a grant recipient, send your impact

report to Cassie Caldwell at [email protected].

Appendix

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 17

Feedback

Feedback Cards

The beneﬁt of feedback cards is that participants can ﬁll them

out before leaving, giving you data right away. You can also offer

a prize or free item for ﬁlling out the card if your budget allows.

Alternatively, you can collect e-mail addresses and send out

a survey. (Just beware you might not collect as many responses

this way.)

We have provided a sample feedback card on the next page.

Feel free to modify the questions and use only the ones pertinent

to you and your event.

STORY WALL

Instead of feedback cards, you can collect anecdotes and impact

by collecting comments on a Story Wall. Use a whiteboard

or hang a large sheet of paper on the wall near the event exit.

Supply writing utensils and encourage attendees to write

their responses during or on their way out of the event.

Sample questions include:

• What is one thing you learned that you will take with you

from this event?

• What will you do differently after experiencing today’s event?

• Would you recommend Speaking Grief to others?

Why or why not?

• How could we improve this event?

Story wall Images

Please photograph your Story Wall and email Cassie Caldwell at [email protected]



Feedback Card

1. What is one thing you learned from this event?

2. What will you do differently after experiencing today’s event?

3. Would you recommend Speaking Grief to others? Why or why not?

4. How we could improve this event?

Gender/Gender Identity:

Age:

❏

18-25

❏

25-35

❏

35-45

❏

45-55

❏

55+

Ethnicity:

Occupation:

Zip Code:

Thank you for your time! Your feedback is appreciated!

Feedback Card

1. What is one thing you learned from this event?

2. What will you do differently after experiencing today’s event?

3. Would you recommend Speaking Grief to others? Why or why not?

4. How we could improve this event?

Gender/Gender Identity:

Age:

❏

18-25

❏

25-35

❏

35-45

❏

45-55

❏

55+

Ethnicity:

Occupation:

Zip Code:

Thank you for your time! Your feedback is appreciated!

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 19

Tips for Convening

a Panel Discussion

Use a panel discussion when you have a large audience

and a group discussion would be impractical, or when the group

of panelists have diverse viewpoints and will generate a more

engaging conversation than any one individual panel member

could on his/her own.

• Research and carefully select a small group of panelists.

Discussions on grief can invite a wide range of emotional,

physical, and behavioral responses from participants and

audience members. Have licensed therapists or skilled

grief advocates participate in your event.

• Plan your questions ahead of time. Share the structure with

your panelists prior to the event, but not all of the questions.

It’s best if the conversation is fresh for the audience.

• Determine a response plan for handling long, personal stories/

questions/comments that might detract from the broader

discussion. Consider having someone available for continued

conversation once the panel discussion has ended.

• Decide if you will ﬁeld questions from the audience. These can

be taken directly from audience members or submitted to the

moderator in writing in advance.

With more diverse viewpoints, a group of panelists

can generate a more engaging conversation than any one

individual panel member could on his/her own.

Possible discussion questions:

• Why is it important that we talk about grief?

• What are some current losses in our community?

How are people grieving?

• How does your experience as a grief advocate inform

your actions to support grievers?

• What grief support resources are available

in our local community? Where can we improve?

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 20

Group Discussion Guide

Post-screening group discussions are great venues for sharing

Speaking Grief. We can discuss how we feel about what we’ve just

seen and how we can change our conversations and actions about

grief moving forward.

NOTE TO FACILITATORS:

Discussions on grief can invite a wide range of emotional responses

from participants. Consider having a licensed therapist or skilled grief

advocate participate in your event. At a minimum, have local grief

resources available for participants so you can direct them

to appropriate support.

Not sure where to ﬁnd an experienced partner?

Eluna provides an index of grief organizations and grief camps

by state.

https://elunanetwork.org/national-bereavement-resource-guide/

resources/

Evermore provides an interactive search by state directory of grief

support centers for families.

https://www.live-evermore.org/grief-support-directory/

GROUP FACILITATION BASICS:

• Know the material. Watch the documentary on your own before

your group discussion. Reﬂect on your grief and be mindful

that what you take from the ﬁlm may be different from others

in the group. Take care of your wellness and grief as you

prepare to support others.

• Know your audience. Tailor the questions in this guide to what

makes sense for your group.

• In setting up your discussion space, ensure comfortable,

accessible seating is available. If possible, avoid harsh overhead

lighting to promote a more welcoming environment. Plan to

have a quiet, reﬂective space available in case attendees

need to take a break. Providing tissues, water, and snacks

is a great idea!

Speaking Grief / Event Planning Guide / 21

• In any group, there’s a risk of any one individual’s story

to take over the rest of the space. Come up with some

phrases you might use to redirect the conversation,

so everyone has a chance to speak.

• You may have expectations for what your event will look like

and feel like. Note that all discussion groups take on a life

of their own. Be willing to follow the discussion that unfolds,

rather than rigidly adhere to your plans.

BEST PRACTICES FOR CONVERSATIONS

ABOUT GRIEF:

• Create a welcoming, non-judgmental environment so

all may share their stories and reﬂections. Welcome other’s

experiences of grief. Everyone grieves differently. Be mindful

not to impose your beliefs.

• When you speak about death or dying, use simple and

straightforward language such as death, die, dying, and grief.

Avoid euphemisms that are abstract such as “departed” or

“lost.” Note that others in your group may not use direct

language, and that is ok.

• You will likely disagree with someone’s reﬂections at least

once. Grief is individual. A variety of feelings are completely

normal. Be sensitive to each attendee’s experience—there

is no one right way to respond to death and grief. Cultural,

familial, political, and spiritual differences are common.